Hi friends.  My name is Colleen and I am a perfectionist.  If you know me even a little bit, you probably have had an inkling of this character trait I possess.  I am perpetually trying to improve on every single task I do, while rarely feeling that I have put enough effort into anything.  Now this might sound like a good thing, and I guess it can be for a large percentage of the time.  But the downside is this… I can never relax.  And I think it sometimes really hinders my happiness or ability to live in the moment.  Examples you ask?  Well I will give them to you.

Exhibit A: College.  What were normal people doing?  Going to frat parties.  Exploring campus.  Joining fun club things.  What was I doing?  Studying…all…the…time.  Just ask Corey.  He would come visit on the weekends and I would still spend Saturday nights studying.  If I didn’t get at least a 92 on a test, I would have a meltdown.  It was unecessary.  I calmed down some in grad school, but not enough.

Exhibit B: High school tennis.  I was actually pretty good at tennis in high school.  Ask me if I picked up a racket in the last 6 months (because I haven’t, tis a shame).  During the school day of a tennis match, I would be terrified.  Like, physically terrified.  Want to know why?  Because I was afraid of losing, or playing poorly, or not living up to expectations.  When I lost for the first time during an undefeated season my senior year, I cried for two days.

Exhibit C: Life man, just life.  I am constantly jealous of Corey’s ability to let things go and just live.  I don’t have that ability.  If I relax and just read or watch TV without accomplishing something, I feel so guilty.  During my honeymoon, I was worried that I could have improved upon the wedding.  When I got home, I was worried that I hadn’t enjoyed the honeymoon enough.  When I’m doing something for the blog, I am worried that I am not getting work work done.  When I’m working, I’m worried that I’m not enjoying life enough.  If I work on the weekends, I am stressed because I’m not cleaning.  If I clean on the weekends, I am stressed because I’m not working.  It is exhausting.

So I have been working on letting go a little more, and have been improving slowly but surely.  Maybe one day I will leisure freely without feeling an ounce of guilt.  Until then, I will continue to live in my little perfectionist world.

Do any of you guys have this problem?  Any ideas on how I can ease my perfectionist streak?  Happy Friday everyone!  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!